Cute scene. Not bad or amazingly super duper great. so 4/5 for it.
I'm more a synopsis guy because I for one am not qualified to review a script and see if it's good or not. I have no experience in that field at all. So what I would like though is a new synopsis when you get a chance to update it. Probably will be friday of next week?
Oh yea, the Ether/Bob/Lens part reminded me of HK47 from KOTOR. I love him and the humor came through from reading the little part.
While an isolated scene like this can't tell us much about the plot and character development of the pitch, it can shed some light on the depth of understanding the writers have as to dialogue - do they have a feel for how these characters sound. An incomplete, but this is pretty true, I think - certainly I'd welcome the chance to read some more dialogue between the three main boys and AndrAIa, as there's not much of that here.
I like this script, especially Ether's snarking, and the details on how the Nulls power the ship. They have a habitat? That's just adorable. (like Nibble's playpen)
Only one minor gripe, of the following lines:
'LENS
Power-down the array before it reaches one hundred percent.
ANDRAIA
What happens when it reaches a hundred percent?'
They just seem a little stilted, I think it would read better if Lens said something like 'Power down the array before it hits full power', saying 'a hundred percent' just seems overly specific. That could just be me though.
Actually, re-reading my suggestion, I just realised I used 'power' twice in the one sentence. Can I change that to 'Power down the array before it hits full strength' instead?
"this was never intended to be the beginning of a movie or anything" Okay, that confused me at first. And like so many before me, I like Ether already.
First off, I obviously get that this is simply a snippet of the overall draft. But I do really like what you put forward to. Of the characters that spoke, I think you nailed their personalities.
And I liked the humor regarding Bob's obvious observations. Might have carried on a little too long (spread out more throughout the movie would be better), but the humor was spot-on.
I like the humor in this! Arrival's my favorite pitch so far. Granted, there's another that's also good (yes, the first thing that sprung to your mind is the one I'm thinking of -- probably), but I think this one's a lot better. Just one thing: I don't know if they ever said ~Oh my User~ on the show. I'm pretty sure they've said ~By the User~ though. Meh, now I'm just being nit-picky. :P
Stimulatio... commented 4 years ago
0
Cute scene. Not bad or amazingly super duper great. so 4/5 for it.
I'm more a synopsis guy because I for one am not qualified to review a script and see if it's good or not. I have no experience in that field at all. So what I would like though is a new synopsis when you get a chance to update it. Probably will be friday of next week?
Oh yea, the Ether/Bob/Lens part reminded me of HK47 from KOTOR. I love him and the humor came through from reading the little part.
anyways, gj on rewrites.
Guardian E... commented 4 years ago
0
While an isolated scene like this can't tell us much about the plot and character development of the pitch, it can shed some light on the depth of understanding the writers have as to dialogue - do they have a feel for how these characters sound. An incomplete, but this is pretty true, I think - certainly I'd welcome the chance to read some more dialogue between the three main boys and AndrAIa, as there's not much of that here.
JenKollic commented 4 years ago
0
I like this script, especially Ether's snarking, and the details on how the Nulls power the ship. They have a habitat? That's just adorable. (like Nibble's playpen)
Only one minor gripe, of the following lines:
'LENS
Power-down the array before it reaches one hundred percent.
ANDRAIA
What happens when it reaches a hundred percent?'
They just seem a little stilted, I think it would read better if Lens said something like 'Power down the array before it hits full power', saying 'a hundred percent' just seems overly specific. That could just be me though.
etoile37 commented 4 years ago
0
Great! I already like Ether!:-D
JenKollic commented 4 years ago
0
Actually, re-reading my suggestion, I just realised I used 'power' twice in the one sentence. Can I change that to 'Power down the array before it hits full strength' instead?
Arrival_Pr... commented 4 years ago
0
Thanks for the comments guys. Not sure yet, but I think I'll be writing another scene for the V2 package, so you'll get more dialogue there. -PWW
Caswin commented 4 years ago
0
"this was never intended to be the beginning of a movie or anything" Okay, that confused me at first. And like so many before me, I like Ether already.
TurboFool commented 4 years ago
0
First off, I obviously get that this is simply a snippet of the overall draft. But I do really like what you put forward to. Of the characters that spoke, I think you nailed their personalities.
And I liked the humor regarding Bob's obvious observations. Might have carried on a little too long (spread out more throughout the movie would be better), but the humor was spot-on.
Astragem14 commented 4 years ago
0
I like the humor in this! Arrival's my favorite pitch so far. Granted, there's another that's also good (yes, the first thing that sprung to your mind is the one I'm thinking of -- probably), but I think this one's a lot better. Just one thing: I don't know if they ever said ~Oh my User~ on the show. I'm pretty sure they've said ~By the User~ though. Meh, now I'm just being nit-picky. :P