When I wrote the original script for the pitch, it ended up being 5 pages in the first draft. I figured it couldn't hurt to post it. Read and enjoy! (I actually like this better. More room for characterization. By the way, this was never intended to be the beginning of a movie or anything; it's just a scene from a hypothesized future movie.)
REBOOT:ARRIVAL - Z2H SCENE FOR PITCH
EXT. SKY - NIGHT
The NULLFIRE rockets towards the portal, which all of Mainframe has just been uploaded into. The portal is closing.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT - NIGHT
LENS and ETHER are at the controls. BOB, MATRIX, and ENZO stare over their shoulders at the closing portal.
ENZO
Oh no! The portal’s closing!
BOB
We have to get through there!
ETHER
Your companion’s quick wits will surely serve us well, master.
Bob glares at her.
LENS
Silence, Ether. Charge the stealth-packet array.
Ether dutifully pushes a lever on the dash.
INT. NULLFIRE - NULL HABITAT - NIGHT
The NULL FAMILY is squidging about in their habitat: a glass sphere studded on the inside with silver nodes. A red light flashes and the Nulls immediately “drink” from the nodes.
EXT. NULLFIRE - NIGHT
The exterior shell of the NullFire separates into sections that flip over, revealing clustered antennae. The clusters flash - and then the entire ship begins to shimmer.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT - NIGHT
Enzo stares up at the ever-narrowing portal.
ENZO
We’re not gonna make it!
Ether watches a gauge that says “NULL POWER LEVEL”. The gauge is slowly increasing.
ETHER
Null power level rising, master.
LENS
Power-down the array before it reaches one hundred percent.
ANDRAIA
What happens when it reaches a hundred percent?
LENS
The Nulls explode, destroying the ship.
Matrix, Enzo, and AndrAIa blink and look at Bob.
BOB
Sooo... that’s bad.
ETHER
Your skill at displaying the obvious is truly unrivaled, Guardian.
Bob glares at her again.
EXT. SKY - NIGHT
The NullFire vanishes as it enters the portal, which shuts behind them.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT - TRAVELING THROUGH PORTAL
Everyone braces themselves and stares out the window as the ship passes through the portal, a tube filled with light.
ENZO
Whoa!
A beam of light lances into the ship and strikes each person, electrifying them. A moment later, the light is gone and each of them has an “upgraded” appearance. They look down at themselves in shock.
ENZO
Double-whoa!
LENS
Hsss... it seems our programs have been upgraded.
ETHER
(looking at readout)
8 seconds, master.
A glowing circle suddenly appears before the ship, and the NullFire roars through it. The cockpit is filled with blinding light.
When the light fades, everyone stares forward in shock.
EXT. NETWORK CAVES
A massive, syringe-shaped craft floats in a huge cave, surrounded by a swarm of smaller craft. A beam from the craft is powering a portal, but the beam switches off immediately, closing the portal.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT
Everyone is still staring forward. Ether glances at Enzo.
ETHER
What’s wrong, sprite? Out of whoas?
Enzo glares at her. A warning whoop sounds. Ether checks the readout. It’s just passing 90%.
ETHER
Powering down the array, master.
BOB, MATRIX, & ANDRAIA
Wait! / No! / Don’t!
EXT. NETWORK CAVES
The NullFire materializes. All of the smaller craft spin and begin flying towards the ship.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT
BOB
They’re attacking!
ETHER
There he goes again.
Ether slams the controls.
EXT. NETWORK CAVES
The NullFire dives, pursued by dozens of craft.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT
Everyone but Lens and Ether fly backwards, slamming into the ceiling.
ENZO, BOB, MATRIX, ANDRAIA
Aaaaaa - oof!
EXT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT
The NullFire dives into a narrow tunnel. It swerves and rolls, dodging laser blasts and the jutting terrain.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT
Lens and Ether deftly man the controls while the others roll around behind, striking the ceiling, walls, and floor.
ENZO, BOB, MATRIX, ANDRAIA
AAAaaaaAAAAAaaaa! / Ow! / Oof!
Lens observes the readout. It has dropped to 50%.
LENS
Execute a reverse spin.
ETHER
Yes, master.
The ship spins to face the oncoming horde. Lens presses a button marked “Null Absorption Beam.”
EXT. NETWORK CAVES
A beam shoots out from the NullFire, enveloping the horde. All of the ships instantly lose power and crash.
INT. NULLFIRE - COCKPIT
Lens and Ether look back into the cabin, where the heroes are tangled up on the floor.
MATRIX
Maybe a little warning next time?
BOB
Did we get them?
LENS
Yes, Guardian.
BOB
Oh. Good.
(he stands)
Let’s find Mainframe.
LATER
The heroes all stare forward out the cockpit window.
BOB
Oh... my... User.
EXT. NETWORK CAVES
Mainframe lies broken on the uneven cave floor, its six sectors separated from each other and pinned down by massive spikes. The core has been replaced with a towering factory of some sort. A glowing tube runs from the factory and into Mainframe’s depths.
Stimulatio... commented 4 years ago
0
Cute scene. Not bad or amazingly super duper great. so 4/5 for it.
I'm more a synopsis guy because I for one am not qualified to review a script and see if it's good or not. I have no experience in that field at all. So what I would like though is a new synopsis when you get a chance to update it. Probably will be friday of next week?
Oh yea, the Ether/Bob/Lens part reminded me of HK47 from KOTOR. I love him and the humor came through from reading the little part.
anyways, gj on rewrites.
Guardian E... commented 4 years ago
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While an isolated scene like this can't tell us much about the plot and character development of the pitch, it can shed some light on the depth of understanding the writers have as to dialogue - do they have a feel for how these characters sound. An incomplete, but this is pretty true, I think - certainly I'd welcome the chance to read some more dialogue between the three main boys and AndrAIa, as there's not much of that here.
JenKollic commented 4 years ago
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I like this script, especially Ether's snarking, and the details on how the Nulls power the ship. They have a habitat? That's just adorable. (like Nibble's playpen)
Only one minor gripe, of the following lines:
'LENS
Power-down the array before it reaches one hundred percent.
ANDRAIA
What happens when it reaches a hundred percent?'
They just seem a little stilted, I think it would read better if Lens said something like 'Power down the array before it hits full power', saying 'a hundred percent' just seems overly specific. That could just be me though.
etoile37 commented 4 years ago
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Great! I already like Ether!:-D
JenKollic commented 4 years ago
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Actually, re-reading my suggestion, I just realised I used 'power' twice in the one sentence. Can I change that to 'Power down the array before it hits full strength' instead?
Arrival_Pr... commented 4 years ago
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Thanks for the comments guys. Not sure yet, but I think I'll be writing another scene for the V2 package, so you'll get more dialogue there. -PWW
Caswin commented 4 years ago
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"this was never intended to be the beginning of a movie or anything" Okay, that confused me at first. And like so many before me, I like Ether already.
TurboFool commented 4 years ago
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First off, I obviously get that this is simply a snippet of the overall draft. But I do really like what you put forward to. Of the characters that spoke, I think you nailed their personalities.
And I liked the humor regarding Bob's obvious observations. Might have carried on a little too long (spread out more throughout the movie would be better), but the humor was spot-on.
Astragem14 commented 4 years ago
0
I like the humor in this! Arrival's my favorite pitch so far. Granted, there's another that's also good (yes, the first thing that sprung to your mind is the one I'm thinking of -- probably), but I think this one's a lot better. Just one thing: I don't know if they ever said ~Oh my User~ on the show. I'm pretty sure they've said ~By the User~ though. Meh, now I'm just being nit-picky. :P